February 6, 2013

A perpetual conversation

She couldn't go to the bed with a heavy heart. Her heart and brain were conversing so loud that she had to write it down. She picked up her new 2013 diary and scribbled along...

20th January 2013.
00:44 hours

Right now, I don't want to tell you how good this day was. I know I am one lazy ass.
I am grateful for today.
But, my heart is heavy and I can't really conclude the reason/s. I just had a chat with him on WhatsApp. I hate to admit this but he's one person I cannot stay mad at.
He was pissing me off with every next statement of his but I still continued the chat.
It's rude to hang up on somebody, no? Besides, his opinions really matter to me.
Then why does he has to say things that hurt me??
Argghh! I want to punch him, hold his collar and ask him what does he want!!
He can't talk straight to me ever? For once, tell me things sweetly? I wonder does he even has that side?!
Oh of course he does! Haven't you seen him when he gets all protective and caring for you? 

Whatever! You please don't consider his once-in-a-lifetime-gestures an achievement!
He must be concerned and worried himself...
Stop it girl! This angel voice is irritating me all the more!

The anger slowly turned into anguish.
I don't know what and how much I mean to him. I don't even know why it's bothering me so much. Or that why he means this much to me. I cannot even say things that confidently as he could say about me. How do I find it out after all?

But, he has been there!

Or maybe I've always dragged him along?
Or maybe I've always lived with this illusion?

I don't know!
I don't knowwwwww!!!
All this is so irritating. I don't even know what's irritating me exactly!
And that's more irritating! Damn!!

I want to know! 

I want to know what's with me and this mystery regarding him.
I. want. to. know.


  1. (y) Mam
    It is so much related to me

    1. :) I guess, the head v/s heart conversations happen with everyone! :)

    2. yaaa it does :P
      but it's almost same :D
      I Loved it :):)

  2. aptly titled....!
    i guess everyone can relate to such conversations :)

    1. Yes, like I mentioned in the earlier comment, these conversations happen with almost all of us.. :)
      Thank you so much Nishita! It's SO good to hear from you! :D

  3. WoAh... i read ur blog 1st Time n mSt Say...U hv dz amAzing Skill oF xpression.....

    PS- tag dat guy n it vud b much easier tO solve ur dilemma ......!

    1. Hey Ashish! Such a surprise to have you here! Welcome! :D
      Thank you, thank you! Hehe.. Like I said, it was a fiction post. No tagging needed! ;)
      Keep visiting now! :)

  4. Read your blog for the first time. And I must say you have such a fresh, beautiful style of writing.
    And as far as this post is concerned, well
    it's like reading my own thoughts! :)
    Will be a regular visitor for sure.
    All the best...:)

    I also express my thoughts at my blog:

    1. Welcome to the blog Manas! :D feels so good to see a new reader stumble upon the blog.
      Thank you so much! :)
      Do keep reading and commenting. I will go through your blog soon! :)

  5. Going through your blog all over again. I don't know why but I find this one the most touching!