My Alter Ego

This girl was just meant to happen to me. She walked in my life like she already belonged there. Just came in and fitted in the life's puzzle perfectly. Within a week, we struck a bond and we knew there's no looking back then...

We have an unbeatable chemistry. She's the 3 AM friend. I can talk my heart out to her. About silly moments and random people and she'll take it all. Understand what I exactly want to say and remember all those people too. We could talk non-stop. In fact, our conversations are the most beautiful element of our bond. From emotions to general knowledge, from social issues of the world to latest crushes; from spirituality to gossip and sweet somethings; from business updates to relationships, life, and shit; from secrets & friends to love, philosophies and family; from behaviors to arts, music and (Well, some I'd rather not mention here :P) — we can talk about any goddamn thing in the world. The best part is that I really don't have to explain her everything. She understand things on her own. And that too, exactly the way I would wanna tell her. Maybe, because she's like that too. Maybe, that's why I call her my alter ego.

With her, it has always been easy. very easy. No chaos, no misunderstandings, no cold wars, no communication gaps. We could fight openly, shout at each other with all the rights and we'd still know that nothing's gonna change. I know she'll always be there. For ever.

She's an inspiration and there's a hell lot of things to learn from her. (Persistence, execution of ideas and waking up early top the list.)

I would have said all this even on our convocation because even two full years is a very small time to spend with her. Abhi toh we gotta live all those dreams that we've seen together. (All the travel dreams are definitely happening.)
Yes, I am gonna miss her wayyyy too much. The void is gonna be there. But I'm beyond happy for her. She's gonna be where she always wanted to be. So today, when she's starting the journey of her dreams, I just wanna wish her all the best things under the sun.
I'm so proud of you! Give your best to that 'white uniform' and go, live your dreams! Big big bigggg hugs. Shine on, bitch! :*

We've had so many amazing memories together..
I'll cherish them forever!

And like I always say, 

Frooti, tu pyaar hai yaar. 

Only You

I wish you could see me right now. 
Because, only you would have noticed the details on my face. 
Only you.

If you would have, you would have noticed my lips before anything else.
And I would have seen the most honest smile of yours, as if you're proud of them. 
Or a naughty smile, about the thoughts of eating them already.
Either this, or you would have asked "You used a lip color, didn't you?"
And grinned about it.

You would have noticed my smile and would have said, "It's nothing in comparison to the smile you gave me in the room. That was the widest."

You would have noticed my teeth and smiled.

You would have noticed my hair. And like always, removed the band and loosened my curls.
You would have ruffled them, pushed a few strands of my hair on my face and then slowly tucked them behind my ear getting all romantic.

You would have noticed my dangling earrings and admired them. You would have even bent down a bit to kiss me below my right ear.

Or perhaps, you would have just noticed the extra kohl in my eyes today. 
And in a closer look, realized, it's smudged.

And then noticed the dried tears on the cheeks...

Talk to the hand.

I have no huge story of how we became friends.
It was the first semester of our graduation. August 2010.
After one of the last lecture of one of the initial days of August, while we were moving out of our class, I noticed he was walking right behind me. I made up my mind, just turned around and said,
"Hi! I am Priyanka."
"Hi! Sahil."
We shook hands and started talking on the way to the parking. From that day, we haven't stopped ever!
We talk and blabber and debate and argue and bore each other till death. Because mutual pakana is important!
We can talk about anything and everything under the sun. And have conversations that only we both can understand while sitting in a group. (Yes! I know, I know that's rude. But nobody else seems to understand what we are talking about. :P)
We make the best team for projects, assignments. Probably because, hamare nakhre sirf ham dono hi jhel sakte hain. Baki koi toh hamare naam ki supari de dega. :P 

As he keeps saying this all the time!

He has to make fun of everything I do.
Three years of graduation have made me realize that this guy is just impossible!
I just keep praying to God for these two more years of post graduation now. :P

Yes, I have a million and ten complains with this guy. 

[Please start coming for movies on time!]
But then again, those are written on a never ending scroll, neatly rolled and dumped in the sea because it doesn't matter. For I know, he'll be there always.
We all have that one person whom we call stupid names, abuse in their face, 

keep bickering with all the time but adore them to death. 

I guess, best friends are like that!

So this one's for you, bitch! Today when you turn.. what 47? I wish you all the happiness of the world.

Stay awesome! Happy Birthday! :D
Oh and he, also, is a blogger (His Blog). :)

Marine Drive

We both walked the promenade, and are now sitting on the pavement, facing the beautiful sea.
I am trying, to get you talk to me; but, it's all in vain. I am telling you my stupid stories. You chuckle a bit. But, again get back in the same mood. I am reading out our old chats to you, reminding you of a beautiful moment we shared. It doesn't affect you.

I go silent wondering my mistake might have been a huge one and that is why such reactions from you. I try to recall things from the last night's chat. I think that it was a petty thing. You really should have forgiven me. But, I look at you, and you look away. I know I'm not forgiven. 
I don't know what to do. It seems impossible to coax you into talking it out. I feel helpless.
I look at the sea and the city that has connected us.

I miss you talk. I miss you listen to my stories. I miss you react and want to listen more. And, I miss you talk about your office stories. Though, there really are none. All you keep telling me is that it was a boring day. I miss the non stop texting I had with you. I miss us both asking random and, sometimes, stupid questions; but answering all of them.
I miss...well, You. 
In a matter of just one day! Funny, this attachment!

I look at you again.. And somehow feel, I should leave you on your own.. 
Perhaps, you don't need this cajoling. Maybe, you don't want to talk, not today.
I feel like a drop in the ocean holding back to add in more.
I feel like a drop in your ocean holding back to push it more.

I give you a hug and leave without making an eye contact.
Even a midst all the noise around us — of the vendors, of the traffic, of the people — we both have nurtured personal commotions in our heads.

I do turn around only to see you looking at the sea.
Alas! I am losing it to your ego, one day at a time.

PS: You can read the guy's side of the story here. 

Holding on!

While he was leaving, he stopped at the door, turned around and stepped forward.
We hugged.
I couldn't let go of him for some minutes.
We were talking while in that hug. Talking about how things will change in a matter of some 3-4 years and how we both won't be able to help it. I'll be gone. We could not be meeting. What when we'll need each other at times when we'll be low?
Conversations and messages will reduce. 'Keeping in contact' will fade sooner or later.
Of course, the love will stay. The bond cannot be changed ever. His place in my life cannot be replaced.
He's the best friend I've ever had. That fact is not gonna change.
But, come to think of it practically, everything will change.

I think I thought a million thoughts while being in that five minutes hug. But could share with him only ten of those thoughts.
Yes, the heart was so full that the eyes overflowed.

He sat me down. Tried calming me. I wasn't sad or upset. I had just got emotional.
He told me he had the best thing to cheer me up. And with that he pulled out a paper from his wallet.
A page that comes straight from his diary that we all had filled in when we were in class 9th...
He, since then, has kept that folded page as a souvenir in his wallet. 
That page dates back to 2007. And it still preserves my handwriting in black ink.
There! That guy had the best prick to burst the bubble of my emotions.
I held it for ten seconds. Just scanned it. Didn't have the courage to read it.
Still, the mere feel of that old paper and of that old cherished friendship made me break down..

And he? He was laughing hard looking at me crying like a baby..
I hit him several times and started laughing along.
I was stupidly switching between breaking into tears and breaking into laughter every ten seconds.
I was cursing him for showing me that page, loving him for staying, hitting him for laughing at me and just hugging him for no reason ..

You know,
there are moments in your life when you want the time to pause..
And there are moments when you want to capture a moment and lock it in an air tight jar so that you don't lose them ever..

I still don't know which one I would have opted for this particular moment I shared with him.

Some things are so beautiful that you are just left speechless.

(This story was shortlisted under the category of Flash Fiction for the online writing contest 'Wordweavers' held every year by the University of Mumbai's Department of English Alumni.)

A perpetual conversation

She couldn't go to the bed with a heavy heart. Her heart and brain were conversing so loud that she had to write it down. She picked up her new 2013 diary and scribbled along...

20th January 2013.
00:44 hours

Right now, I don't want to tell you how good this day was. I know I am one lazy ass.
I am grateful for today.
But, my heart is heavy and I can't really conclude the reason/s. I just had a chat with him on WhatsApp. I hate to admit this but he's one person I cannot stay mad at.
He was pissing me off with every next statement of his but I still continued the chat.
It's rude to hang up on somebody, no? Besides, his opinions really matter to me.
Then why does he has to say things that hurt me??
Argghh! I want to punch him, hold his collar and ask him what does he want!!
He can't talk straight to me ever? For once, tell me things sweetly? I wonder does he even has that side?!
Oh of course he does! Haven't you seen him when he gets all protective and caring for you? 
Whatever! You please don't consider his once-in-a-lifetime-gestures an achievement!
He must be concerned and worried himself...
Stop it girl! This angel voice is irritating me all the more!
*Silence*

The anger slowly turned into anguish.

I don't know what and how much I mean to him. I don't even know why it's bothering me so much. Or that why he means this much to me. I cannot even say things that confidently as he could say about me. How do I find it out after all?

But, he has been there!
Or maybe I've always dragged him along?
Or maybe I've always lived with this illusion?

I don't know!
I don't knowwwwww!!!
All this is so irritating. I don't even know what's irritating me exactly!
And that's more irritating! Damn!!

I want to know! 
I want to know what's with me and this mystery regarding him.
I. want. to. know.

Facets

It was ten at night, I was washing the dishes and you were out in the living room watching the television. I could hear a new channel in every 2 minutes. You called out my name. "Ammyyy.."

"Coming!"

You were calling out my name since past ten minutes and I had been replying 'coming' to every call.

You shouted again. "Amy!!!"

I got really startled and ran out to the living room only to listen to "At once leave whatever you're doing and come right here!"

I washed my hands, wiped them carelessly with the towel and rushed to you. 
"What happened Tan.."

"Shhhh.." 
You didn't let me speak and made me sit beside you. I had a craving beneath to question. But you signalled a no again and held my hands.

Your hands gave the world's warmth to my doing-dishes-at-ten frozen hands. I half-smiled. I was fixed. Perplexed.

You were looking straight into my eyes. I didn't know if you were asking some questions or were demanding some answers. I could SO see those words stuck in your heart. You tried to speak, but choked.

And then you did a thing that gave me a memory for ever.

You chose to kiss.

You chose the silent action over words.

While you cupped my face with both your hands, pushed the strands of my hair falling on my face behind my ears and brought your lips closer to mine, I had already felt your heart racing. I moved my hand closer to touch it. I couldn't get it. I couldn't get what was going on.

I wasn't being kissed for the first time. We were married for over one and a half years now. But this kiss was different - wayy different and special. Emotional. You kissed me gently but deeply. I felt the sadness in your gesture and then, I felt your tears on my cheeks. I wanted to pull back and ask you what was wrong, what was so disturbing but I thought it would be a bad idea. You'd talk when you'd want to. So I let the moment play its role then.

We kissed. We kissed more passionately. The intensity grew and we dug in the moment deeper.

Finally a sigh. Finally a breath out.

You hugged me tight. Hiding your face in me. I could feel your breath on my neck. I caressed you gently, thinking about what the reasons could be.

"Baby!", I whispered. "You okay?"

"Hmmm.."

"Or want some more?"

You chuckled. Finally a smile. I sighed. I ruffled your hair. Your breath was heavy. I gently rubbed your back to calm you down. And suddenly, you shifted and laid your head in my lap and pulled my hand close to your heart and managed to speak, though in broken voice, "Babe, please put me to sleep!"

"Sure love."

And there! You curled up like a 4-year-old on our 3-seater sofa and fell asleep to my fondling within some five minutes.

It was a long day. I wanted to go and change, but I couldn't even think of letting go of your hands. You held them tightly.
So I sat there, looking at that face. One birthmark on your forehead shone on your fair skin. I could see the traces of dried tears on your cheeks. There were some fresh ones on mine.

You slept off, unaware of the turmoil you left me with and I stayed awake, unaware of the turmoil you were going through. 

PS:
If this post was a treat for you, I'm sure you'll also enjoy the guy's side of this story portrayed by an awesome blogger friend, Sahil. Do read that amazing post here.
:)