Grey

It's Sunday. Our day. The day where we lay in the bed for hours doing our own thing, until it's sunny and bright. By the time we leave the bed for our breakfast, our bed sheet is all crumpled. And we start bantering over who will cook and who will clean.

Today, the weather has been gloomy. And ever since the morning, we've been fighting. You're upset, and I really hurt. Did we really have to fight on a Sunday morning? You know how much I hate it.

Why haven't you kissed me yet already? Where are our rules of making up? Should I make you a cup of coffee? Why haven't you made me a cup yourself?! Fuck it. I don't wanna bother myself, so I'll pretend to work, while you pretend to read.

No… Don't go. Don't leave the bed...
Okay, the bathroom is an exception. We're both allowed pee breaks.

Yeah. You look better in the bed. 

Stay.

Each time you're stealing glances and fidgeting with your book, I want to hold you and help you calm down. Each time your legs are brushing against mine, there are goosebumps all over my body. I am dreaming of you throwing your book on the side table, coming close to me, putting my laptop aside and leaning in for a kiss. I am not just dreaming. You haven't left the bed yet. So I am hopeful.

Wait.

I can do that...

Credits: Tumblr

Yes. I am gonna do it. I am gonna stop writing this. I am gonna put my laptop away, get on top of you, put your book away, remove your glasses and pull you in a kiss. I'll nibble on your lips, suck on your tongue and kiss you deeply. I'll let my tongue roll all over your lips, inside your mouth and between your teeth.

Our coffees can wait. The cooking and cleaning can wait, too. I'll kiss you hard. I'll kiss you until you surrender — until you kiss me back harder. Until you push me on the bed and we find your tongue at our favorite place. Until the sheet is crumpled once more. Until only the sky is grey, and our hearts pink.

Saturday Night

Winter leads me to the fireplace

With some thoughts of you, a few poems from the past and this diary;
Perhaps tonight I will find some solace..

The week seeks its end
Like the heart seeks your voice.
But the threads have broken, the colors are now lost
And the heart's not okay either.
I guess, it's just trying to pretend..

The clouds cover the stars today
The tears are covered by the firelight.
Somehow, I know this revived darkness dwelling in me won't culminate..

Leaving some whispering words on your lips..
It used to be special always-
Every week, at the end, one Saturday night.  

Marine Drive (The flip side.)

[Read the first part, the girl's words - here. 
These words are from the guy of the same story. Co -authored by a very very dear friend.]

You hugged me. The hug seemed like it was all over, like it was the last one that I'd ever get from you. I sensed it was all falling apart. You had started walking away. I gathered all the courage I could and called out your name.
The Marine Drive suddenly got a lot more freezing. Shivering breezes started flowing around, and you froze right at your spot, however, not ready to turn around. I ran to you, walked close and held on to your hand. 

I couldn't voice the words that the heart yearned to say -"Wait! Don't just walk out on me. Please?"
I just stood there, holding your hand, unable to utter a word still; looking into your eyes in a hope that you'd read mine.

Every day I wake up to your text, that one message which wishes me a Good Morning.
Today, I felt like I was missing something, missing a part of me perhaps.. It was that one message I was missing. Your message.
It felt incomplete. I felt completely lost.

Yesterday, it all just slipped away and I may have lost my control but I couldn't just tell you what I felt. I kept asking myself; whether I was too harsh on you, if I was right to be mad at you and not reply to your continuous texts and calls.
But, I was angry. It was not a petty issue. Maybe it was negligible for you; but for me, it was much more. I still can't just find a way to let you know how much I care for you. I just hope you'll understand. I know that I've hurt you, I shouldn't have over reacted.
But, sweetheart, I am sorry.. I really am!

Even I miss your nonstop chatter. I miss the way you make me listen to your endless random stories. I miss you pause when I react to some of your stories. And, I miss your chuckle at my "Ohh ho!".
Yes, I miss the nonstop texting I had.
I miss us both asking random and, sometimes, stupid questions; but answering all of them.
I miss...well, You.
In a matter of just one day! Amusing, this attachment!

I look at you. Again.. And somehow feel, that I shouldn't leave you on your own, not today..
Perhaps, you just need this cajoling. Maybe, you want me to make you talk.
I feel like if I don't try today, this would just add up to my regrets all the more.
I feel like if I don't make you stay today, I'd be pushing you away a lot more.

I give you a hug and whisper in your ears.
Even a midst all the noise around us — of the vendors, of the traffic, of the people — we both have found our own solace in each other's arms.

I do look up at the sky only to smile at it.
Alas! I am killing my ego, one day at a time.

Marine Drive

We both walked the promenade, and are now sitting on the pavement, facing the beautiful sea.
I am trying, to get you talk to me; but, it's all in vain. I am telling you my stupid stories. You chuckle a bit. But, again get back in the same mood. I am reading out our old chats to you, reminding you of a beautiful moment we shared. It doesn't affect you.

I go silent wondering my mistake might have been a huge one and that is why such reactions from you. I try to recall things from the last night's chat. I think that it was a petty thing. You really should have forgiven me. But, I look at you, and you look away. I know I'm not forgiven. 
I don't know what to do. It seems impossible to coax you into talking it out. I feel helpless.
I look at the sea and the city that has connected us.

I miss you talk. I miss you listen to my stories. I miss you react and want to listen more. And, I miss you talk about your office stories. Though, there really are none. All you keep telling me is that it was a boring day. I miss the non stop texting I had with you. I miss us both asking random and, sometimes, stupid questions; but answering all of them.
I miss...well, You. 
In a matter of just one day! Funny, this attachment!

I look at you again.. And somehow feel, I should leave you on your own.. 
Perhaps, you don't need this cajoling. Maybe, you don't want to talk, not today.
I feel like a drop in the ocean holding back to add in more.
I feel like a drop in your ocean holding back to push it more.

I give you a hug and leave without making an eye contact.
Even a midst all the noise around us — of the vendors, of the traffic, of the people — we both have nurtured personal commotions in our heads.

I do turn around only to see you looking at the sea.
Alas! I am losing it to your ego, one day at a time.

PS: You can read the guy's side of the story here. 

Holding on!

While he was leaving, he stopped at the door, turned around and stepped forward.
We hugged.
I couldn't let go of him for some minutes.
We were talking while in that hug. Talking about how things will change in a matter of some 3-4 years and how we both won't be able to help it. I'll be gone. We could not be meeting. What when we'll need each other at times when we'll be low?
Conversations and messages will reduce. 'Keeping in contact' will fade sooner or later.
Of course, the love will stay. The bond cannot be changed ever. His place in my life cannot be replaced.
He's the best friend I've ever had. That fact is not gonna change.
But, come to think of it practically, everything will change.

I think I thought a million thoughts while being in that five minutes hug. But could share with him only ten of those thoughts.
Yes, the heart was so full that the eyes overflowed.

He sat me down. Tried calming me. I wasn't sad or upset. I had just got emotional.
He told me he had the best thing to cheer me up. And with that he pulled out a paper from his wallet.
A page that comes straight from his diary that we all had filled in when we were in class 9th...
He, since then, has kept that folded page as a souvenir in his wallet. 
That page dates back to 2007. And it still preserves my handwriting in black ink.
There! That guy had the best prick to burst the bubble of my emotions.
I held it for ten seconds. Just scanned it. Didn't have the courage to read it.
Still, the mere feel of that old paper and of that old cherished friendship made me break down..

And he? He was laughing hard looking at me crying like a baby..
I hit him several times and started laughing along.
I was stupidly switching between breaking into tears and breaking into laughter every ten seconds.
I was cursing him for showing me that page, loving him for staying, hitting him for laughing at me and just hugging him for no reason ..

You know,
there are moments in your life when you want the time to pause..
And there are moments when you want to capture a moment and lock it in an air tight jar so that you don't lose them ever..

I still don't know which one I would have opted for this particular moment I shared with him.

Some things are so beautiful that you are just left speechless.

(This story was shortlisted under the category of Flash Fiction for the online writing contest 'Wordweavers' held every year by the University of Mumbai's Department of English Alumni.)

A perpetual conversation

She couldn't go to the bed with a heavy heart. Her heart and brain were conversing so loud that she had to write it down. She picked up her new 2013 diary and scribbled along...

20th January 2013.
00:44 hours

Right now, I don't want to tell you how good this day was. I know I am one lazy ass.
I am grateful for today.
But, my heart is heavy and I can't really conclude the reason/s. I just had a chat with him on WhatsApp. I hate to admit this but he's one person I cannot stay mad at.
He was pissing me off with every next statement of his but I still continued the chat.
It's rude to hang up on somebody, no? Besides, his opinions really matter to me.
Then why does he has to say things that hurt me??
Argghh! I want to punch him, hold his collar and ask him what does he want!!
He can't talk straight to me ever? For once, tell me things sweetly? I wonder does he even has that side?!
Oh of course he does! Haven't you seen him when he gets all protective and caring for you? 
Whatever! You please don't consider his once-in-a-lifetime-gestures an achievement!
He must be concerned and worried himself...
Stop it girl! This angel voice is irritating me all the more!
*Silence*

The anger slowly turned into anguish.

I don't know what and how much I mean to him. I don't even know why it's bothering me so much. Or that why he means this much to me. I cannot even say things that confidently as he could say about me. How do I find it out after all?

But, he has been there!
Or maybe I've always dragged him along?
Or maybe I've always lived with this illusion?

I don't know!
I don't knowwwwww!!!
All this is so irritating. I don't even know what's irritating me exactly!
And that's more irritating! Damn!!

I want to know! 
I want to know what's with me and this mystery regarding him.
I. want. to. know.