Godammit! Writeee!!

Yes, this is what my instinct has been shouting out to me since some days.
Nor that I don't want to write or I'm running away from it but I just don't know why I am not writing.
Maybe laziness. Maybe lack of time. Oh wait! I have a lot of time. But then don't know what.
I sit and keep thinking. Keep thinking bout different perceptions of a single event or about a person or a happening. I find it all so interesting. And whenever I do, I (like a boss) make a mental note of blogging it. But, *sigh*

I love writing. It is a beautiful thing. It's the best way of expression. And it makes me feel light. And it's beautifully quoted by Mason Cooley-

"There are different rules for reading, for thinking, and for talking. Writing blends all three of them."

So here I am, to put up this poster for myself and remind myself that I need to stop framing my thoughts every time just in my mind and for goodness, write them down. Here, on my blog or in my diary.
Or at least save it in the notes of my phone? Hmmm. :)

Exactly what my writing must be saying to me! :P

Freelosophy

Sometimes you cannot control all the situations of your life. You cannot be a control freak every single time. Things have to go wrong and people have to change. [As clichéd as it may sound, it's the way it (read, life) is.]
You have to go out of your way to face some things.
Yeah, so even if it hurts you and you have to hold yourself together while doing that, some decisions need to be taken and some stories should end.

People will change. Maybe, it's not their fault. Or maybe, it is. But in the end, you alone have to fight for yourself. And it's not like people don't give a damn about you.
They’d always be interested in your life. Remember, I said interested.

And that interest will multiply if your life is off track. #TrueStory

So why show the world you’re vulnerable?
One second! You’re not.

So stop underestimating. Stop demeaning. Stop giving the world your negativity. Stop analyzing things and please, stop finding a reason behind all the happenings of your life.
 You’re not God to know everything. Face the reality. Before that, accept it.
And let it go. Start living your life. Don’t just let it pass.


Talk to your best friend or to somebody from your family or to your close friends.
Cry your heart out. And then close those chapters then and there. You and your friend can maybe bonfire on them, you know! :)

But don’t carry it forward. Sustaining it will make heavy space in your mind and heart. Like they say, keep the glass down.
I agree it’s impossible to completely chuck it in the dustbin and move on. The memories linger. But then, why let the suitcase of bad memories lead?
Yeah, life is too short to wake up with regrets. And befittingly, Life is too short to cry over things that went wrong.
Count your blessings. And when you actually do that, you’ll be amazed at it’s intensity. And you’ll strike a happy realization of you being abundantly blessed.  



Go out! Celebrate good things, happy memories, wonderful people *only* and the power residing in YOU.
Celebrate and elevate yourself! 

PS, “Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best shot, but don't hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people.”
-Zig Zigler

Facets

It was ten at night, I was washing the dishes and you were out in the living room watching the television. I could hear a new channel in every 2 minutes. You called out my name. "Ammyyy.."

"Coming!"

You were calling out my name since past ten minutes and I had been replying 'coming' to every call.

You shouted again. "Amy!!!"

I got really startled and ran out to the living room only to listen to "At once leave whatever you're doing and come right here!"

I washed my hands, wiped them carelessly with the towel and rushed to you. 
"What happened Tan.."

"Shhhh.." 
You didn't let me speak and made me sit beside you. I had a craving beneath to question. But you signalled a no again and held my hands.

Your hands gave the world's warmth to my doing-dishes-at-ten frozen hands. I half-smiled. I was fixed. Perplexed.

You were looking straight into my eyes. I didn't know if you were asking some questions or were demanding some answers. I could SO see those words stuck in your heart. You tried to speak, but choked.

And then you did a thing that gave me a memory for ever.

You chose to kiss.

You chose the silent action over words.

While you cupped my face with both your hands, pushed the strands of my hair falling on my face behind my ears and brought your lips closer to mine, I had already felt your heart racing. I moved my hand closer to touch it. I couldn't get it. I couldn't get what was going on.

I wasn't being kissed for the first time. We were married for over one and a half years now. But this kiss was different - wayy different and special. Emotional. You kissed me gently but deeply. I felt the sadness in your gesture and then, I felt your tears on my cheeks. I wanted to pull back and ask you what was wrong, what was so disturbing but I thought it would be a bad idea. You'd talk when you'd want to. So I let the moment play its role then.

We kissed. We kissed more passionately. The intensity grew and we dug in the moment deeper.

Finally a sigh. Finally a breath out.

You hugged me tight. Hiding your face in me. I could feel your breath on my neck. I caressed you gently, thinking about what the reasons could be.

"Baby!", I whispered. "You okay?"

"Hmmm.."

"Or want some more?"

You chuckled. Finally a smile. I sighed. I ruffled your hair. Your breath was heavy. I gently rubbed your back to calm you down. And suddenly, you shifted and laid your head in my lap and pulled my hand close to your heart and managed to speak, though in broken voice, "Babe, please put me to sleep!"

"Sure love."

And there! You curled up like a 4-year-old on our 3-seater sofa and fell asleep to my fondling within some five minutes.

It was a long day. I wanted to go and change, but I couldn't even think of letting go of your hands. You held them tightly.
So I sat there, looking at that face. One birthmark on your forehead shone on your fair skin. I could see the traces of dried tears on your cheeks. There were some fresh ones on mine.

You slept off, unaware of the turmoil you left me with and I stayed awake, unaware of the turmoil you were going through. 

PS:
If this post was a treat for you, I'm sure you'll also enjoy the guy's side of this story portrayed by an awesome blogger friend, Sahil. Do read that amazing post here.
:)

21 Draw-outs

Disclaimer: My very own thoughts concluded after some experiences..
No offense, no cheating and no copying.
Thank you!

 1. Some people's only priority is THEIR convenience.

2. I'm in love with silence. Still love chattering all the time. :D

3. You deserve AND GET the best at the end.  :)

4. Your life. Never explain.

5. Some slaps directly on the face that too, hard, serve us well. Learn.

6. Fancy graphics don't make sales. But words do!

7. When you play a perfectionist in whatever you do, it's a sign of excellence. But when you start looking for perfection in others' jobs, you call for depression in both the lives. Yes, depression is the word.

8. Being good BACKFIRES badly. Like, seriously too badly.

9. Many times, in between all the roller coasters of your life, the person sitting next to you goes on to become your friend, and you happen to hold his hands on the journey back home. :)

10. You're as vulnerable as you decide.
 
11. Opposite values are complementary to each other. There can't be just heads or just tails or just happiness or just sorrows.
 
12. Failure in Exams, Failure in Love, and Failure in Career IS NOT EQUAL TO Failure in LIFE. 

13. Nothing would be put in your life if you were not able and strong enough to get through it.

14. If you can't devote your time and energy to workout, say a [capital] no to sweets. ;)
 
15. The decisions that make us unhappy for a short time but give long term happiness are the best decisions ever.
  

16. People are super afraid of other people. Be it even the known ones! [sad.]

17. Nobody is ready to leave there comfort zones and explore. [sad-er.]

18. People always expect a negative response first. [saddest] 

19. Nobody can stop you from keeping yourself happy, COME WHAT MAY HAPPEN. 

20. Your [r]Emote control is completely in your hands.

21. In spite of everything, everybody is actually good at heart. And life is still VERY beautiful!
:D

Memories and their Irony

Out of boredom today afternoon, I went to my mailbox and started reading old mails. Yeah, my mind, like my closest friends, was warning in the background "Don't, girl! DON'T!"
But you know, dil hai ki maanta nahi!
So I went on reading the old mails. And chats.. One by one.

Some talked of regular stuff, some of assignments, some were filled with confessions, some written to my best friend, some mentioned the girly talks- the blue dress or the black one, some of sending new songs, some were formal letters, Resume, some showed how lucky I am to have some friends, some thank you notes, some unposted letters in drafts, some forwarded chats, some advertisements and so much more.
But between all these, I found a mail thread.
A thread which we both had sworn to never break.
A thread we had made each other promise to keep writing on..be it be even a single line!
We knew we'd never break it. We were both so addicted to it! We use to share every single thing on it. From those li'l how-was-your-day to see-this messages, from songs to pictures, from gossips to laughter, from friendship to love, from crushes to heartbreaks, from college to home- we shared everything. there.

The last I saw of that thread was on 21st Jan.
And then a message from me on March 3rd- "Thought of dropping you a line on this thread! :)"
The reply to that read- " :) :)"

And that was it. THAT WAS IT!
That was it to that thread, to that promise, to that bond. And to the ever lost connection.
I didn't even want to analyze what went wrong or how it could have been better. I didn't know what to do. I was just too much absorbed by the realization that things have changed SO much.

I wanted some answers. Though, wasn’t in a state to ask questions.

I've been told that reading old mails is a strict NO. Especially, the ones which open up some wounds. Now I know why!

It instantly reminded me of a status update by a friend-
"U r bored, u chk random thngs, u find an old e-mail, u read it only to realize things [ppl] chng so much, da scene is al fresh agn, u regret 4 savin it, u still dnt feel lyk deletin though!!
nvr knew smthngs cn bothr us so mch!
ArGhH!! smtymes preservin "memories" ain't a gud idea!"

All I could do that time was make myself a cup of black coffee and go and sit in the balcony.
And fate had it; it was raining beautifully that time.
Rains and memories have one hell of a connection.

I wept. And thought. And thought more.
For one thought, memories are the most wonderful things ever.
For another, nothing hurts more than them.