Agitation and a li'l more

I heard the doorbell ring. And then a familiar voice followed.
Before I could ask my mum about whom it was on the door, my room's door was pushed and opened wildly.
There she stood. Clueless and blank. Also, being sorry about not knocking and just invading in like that. Though, I was seeing her after a long time, I exactly knew what she needed at that moment. She wasn't here today to share a cup of caffeine or to understand some Economics concepts. I stood up clearing all the book mess I had scattered around myself and immediately hugged her.

She again picked up her phone, checked it and furiously kept it back. It was 11:38 am and her phone hadn't rung still. Her eyes-half in sleep, half in anticipation had seen 8:24 am on the mobile phone's watch like centuries back.
Forget listening to the ringtone, the phone hadn't even beeped with a text either!

She realized that she had forgotten to thank God for this morning but still decided against it.

She raged with anger and some more frustration. It was the third consecutive morning and maybe one of the many more such mornings from the past.
But last night, she had promised to herself that she won't bother now.

But what about 'the' promises?
What about 'the' dreams?

Where is my part of happiness that was overflowing before some months?
More than anything else, what about my genuine expectations at this moment?

Bang! Bang! Bang! Boom!

Her mind reverted. Rather, her heart. and badly enough to moisten her eyes and then make those tears fall at an increasing speed.

She is a real strong girl and I could see right through that she had held herself together for long now. She was lonely, had nobody to talk to, to share her deep-seated feelings and fears with. Why? Then of course, with him being around, she didn't need anybody else. I too never complained to her that I missed our nonstop chit chat sessions or the time we spent in the balcony or on the terrace. She was happy in her new world and I just let it be like that. I recollected myself and realized we had more important issues to deal with. I looked at her and she looked back.

But what about today? What about now?
6 hours into his morning and 4 into mine, still he doesn't bother to make me feel this morning!

She brushed aside all these thoughts, painfully though, but realized and well, that she had a day to win.

The ice cubes in her favorite black grapes juice had melted and made the juice reach the glass brim. She knew if she picked it up, she'll have to handle it with utmost care.

She didn't touch those parathas or even the salty banana chips. Even my mum knew that this was the best breakfast she could have asked for. Still she didn't feel like eating.

Perhaps, the parathas and the black grape juice were not the only things that had lost their charm that day.

Getting familiar with the 'Unfamiliar Knock'

A lot happened over coffee! :)

I thought of the first e-mail that I had sent to him while I parked my Access.

And here I was, standing just a few steps away from the most common café of the town for a first planned meet.

I went in and chose the second table facing my back to the door. It is awkward to continuously see the door ['wait for someone'.]

I scanned around. There were less interesting people. Opposite to me, on the couch, was a couple lost in their talks. Rather, lost in the boy's talks. Yeah, the boy was doing the talking and the girl was occasionally giggling. A table away, two business men were talking. Gujjus they were. One of them was telling another about the recent property he had bought in.

I sent him a quick text message-'Reached. :) Where are you?'

'Will be there in five :)' came the reply.

Aah! I'm-prepared-and-confident artificial smiles those were. At least mine was. The waiter brought me the menu card with a big smile and an evening greeting. I could not reply back with more than a nod. Maybe, I was a li'l nervous but peculiarly, I was lost in some thoughts- How on Earth was I here?

I had never done this before. I had never even thought of being friends with a complete stranger. It felt creepy for some moments. I panicked. I fidgeted. I worried.

These thoughts that crept like a vine on me, made me wanted to leave that place at once. Nevertheless, I comforted myself with all the love (and fascinating excuses) and tried to look calm. I turned around at the door just to find him entering the cafe. We half smiled at each other. In the time, he took his seat.

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

Silence. I choked. He didn't speak either. For the next two minutes, I guess we both were just thinking what to say and where to start from.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, I had thought in my head all the way while coming from home. And neither I had planned and practiced about anything regarding this meet. What to do now, what not to do and my silly nightmares about this meeting-was all that started making a house in my mind.

We were in talks for quite some time now over calls, texts, chats, Facebook inbox messages. But man! It was hard when it became a face to face conversation.

Finally, we broke the ice. But trust me, those two to three minutes seemed like an hour to me.

We started talking. Regular stuff. Slowly we opened up and conversed like good old friends. From discussing about the menu of that café and comparing it with another to telling him about the Gujju men, we had a great chitchat. We ordered and chatted for another half an hour over the sizzling brownie.

I had decided not to draw conclusions from the first meet. But still, concluded one thing. It was about his smile. A wonderful smile it was. Oh, it is!

One thought that was echoing throughout was about his amazing vibes. He made me feel extremely comfortable. He didn't try to flatter me or blow his own trumpet. Polite, courteous, honest. He gave me ample space and whenever I spoke, he listened to me patiently. 

I too had a slight suspicion (like you) about it. But no, it wasn't a make-up for that first meeting or for that impression. And I'm sure as hell about this because I've now known him for more than 7 months and all this while, he has been just the same- just himself, just an awesome friend. Otherwise, it never takes long for a mask to fall off.

One Lucky Bitch!

"Okay love, take care of yourself. Have your lunch on time hanh. Byee!", she chuckled while she spoke this and smiled at me.

Before I could get myself back to the present tense, she shot this question directly at me- "So are you gonna ask me a question or should I tell you the further story?"

For a moment, there was utter silence then we laughed. We moved to the kitchen. She made me a steaming cup of coffee. Just the way I like it- strong and foamy. She knows me well, we've been friends over years now. :) 

We sat down in the balcony passage, facing each other.I took a sip and gave her a look. She yelled, "What?"

"How much will you take to start your story of today?"

She giggled. "Okay okay calm down!", and she started with yet another chapter of her love story.

*[BTW, I must say her guy is really cute. ;)]*

"You remember Pri, I had been to my friend Anika's place for a lunch get to-gather this Sunday?"

"Yeah, the one who hated her name and so replaced 't' with 'k'! What about it?"

"Haha yeah the same.. I met Kaustubh there. Anika's friend, Kaustubh. You remember him?"

"Umm..the one with a fair complexion and a li'l short height?"

"Bingo! Haan! So I met him and he greeted me with a hug!"

"Uhhhh.. ohhkkay!"

"C'mon! It was just a friendly hug!"

"Yeah. What is the STORY?"

"Anika started teasing me and later on went over to the extend of telling my guy bout the whole scene!"

"Hahaha.. Poor you! She's crazy!"

"Don't ask me how much!"

"Awww my baby.. What happened then? Did he get mad at you?"

"Mad?" "Well, you need to have some extra patience for the day..I'll take time!"

"Sure re. Tell me in detail."

"Actually I've recorded the whole conversation!"

"Gosh! YOU are one crazy gal!"

She giggled and blushed. She actually turned into all shades of red!

Meanwhile, she meddled through some files in her phone and finally played the recording.

"Hey my lady!"

"Hey sweeeethearrttt!"

"What's my babyyy doing?"

"Nothiinggg muchhh. Was sitting idle." "And what's my baby doing?"

Well, it took me five minutes to digest it.. I was never used to this mushy language. Finally, we reached to the important part.

"He hugged you?? Tell me seriously baby, he hugged you?"

"Umm..Hmmm.."

"Like, a side hug or a front hug?"

I so much tried hiding my laughter listening to this. Guys, I tell you! :P

Whereas, she never replied to this. And the speechless reply was an obvious answer to his question.

"WHAT THE HELL!!! How could he hug you? How could you hug him?" "Damn it!!!"

"Baby, I'm reealllyyy sorrrrry.. But he came forward, we were meeting after 4 months and I just couldn't deny!"

"4 Months!!! What do you mean by 4 months??? That means after 8 months, you guys will possibly kiss and after a year, you guys will have a baby? 4 months! Bah!"

For a moment, I went like "What was that?" and the second moment we both broke into hard laughter.

Later on she told me that she had the same reaction. She laughed at this statement of his. Laughed! Laughed on an annoyed boyfriend. I quickly prayed for her! ;)
To my surprise, his guy, listening to her laughter, laughed too! And they both found the whole scene just too adorable. They kept talking about how cute the whole conversation had been.. They repeated dialogues, imitated each other, laughed at the cheesiness of it, blew kisses and said "I love you" a thousand times more.

And all that I was left with was, "Awwwwwwwwwwwww". :D
That was really one adorable fight I've ever known about.

P.S. I wish to add something:
*[BTW, I must say her guy is really cute AND extremely understanding too. :))]*


Aaah! She is one LUCKY BITCH! :D

Annotation

You know you are in a fix when you wake up to the disturbance of your mind.
You also know this while you brush, when there's a thing that hinders your smile constantly.
Fluctuations whole day long drag you to your lowest. They make you feel sick, feeble and weary.
The reason?
"Worry"
The root cause of all the problems-starting from tension, stress, anxiety, instability to finally leading towards depression.
My take on worry is that, it's a short lived feeling. a very short lived feeling actually.
If you fight with it bravely, never giving it much space and importance in your life, it dies out soon.
And hell yes, that works! (It always will.)

But sometimes, it eats you up..gulps you down and even burps! :/
There must have been times when even the greatest of warriors thought of giving up.
I don't intend to say that giving up is a nice or the only option but sometimes, it is a better option.
Rather than 'giving up', let me put it up as 'letting go'.
Sometimes, surrendering yourself to the situation and importantly, to God helps you better.
Some will term it as escapism. But folks, it is not.
It is an attribute of the strong.

Rendezvous

There she stood in her balcony watching the rain. She was not doing anything, just observing. For the first ten minutes, her palms were holding the parapet wall, touching the water drops falling from the above roof. Then she let herself go. Her hands stretched out to feel the rain. The rain that day was not rain actually, just a drizzly shower. But the wind had that in itself too. And there came a blow that touched her, blew her hair and made me notice her face.
This moment was one perfect moment of my life.
She had just woken up. Her loose and faded green colored laced shorts with many buttons looked just amazing on her. A black tee was just perfect on that green. Her hair was tied up loosely with a clutch-er, and so, most of them was out of it. And she fussed with her hair as the wind played its game. She was bare feet, no earrings too. Simple face, nothing fascinating. But she was beautiful. Moreover, her smudged kohl made her look mysterious.

(Photo credits: Kunal Gupta)

Initially she fussed with her hair, tried clutching it but failed. And then she started enjoying. She loved the feel of her hair caressing her face. And then I saw one of the most beautiful smiles ever.
Big smiles scattered all over. Mine too. She was enjoying herself. It felt as if she was in love. She was blushing, smiling, playing with her hair, with the drizzle. She started humming.
And then talking. I moved closer to my window to listen to what she was speaking and more importantly to whom.

"So in love hanh?" 

"Hehehe Shut up!!"
"You don't need to hide it with your words. It’s all over your face. And eyes." 
"Shhh! Bohot bolne lag gayi hai tu!" and laughter.

I was smiling and wondering who had entered the scene. I could see only her. I thought myself to be stupid but she seemed more. She was talking to herself!

"There's nothing bad about being in love with oneself." 
"Haha yeah! Never it is."
"So what are we wearing today?"
"Something traditional like a suit?"
"How about that green kurti with frills?"
"Oh yes, great! Wear that and you can dance with it like this..."

And she took two circles until she saw me. She froze immediately. 
"Uhh Ohh Hi Pri!" She spoke with a nervous vibe. But her hands swayed as if she collected her frilled kurti back.
"Hey.." said I. She was looking for words. 
"It's okay re. You look beautiful in these shorts too. How about wearing them?" 
Laughter spread!
"What was all about love and stuff?"
"Umm nothing Pri. You know how insane I am."
"Nobody talks insanity to oneself girl."
"Okay, but you have to promise me that this stays between only us."
"Okay, promise!"

And...We chatted for another hour till our Mums came out looking for us.